Charlie's Swin at Horn

Charlie’s swim through Horn Creek Rapid
by John Volkman
February 23, 1995

We arrived at Phantom Ranch after spending the past 5 days with a group of young, athletic, energetic paddlers on the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon. “Day five” on an oar / paddle trip is well known as the “Day of Terror”. It starts out at Unkar rapid then on to run Nevils, Hance, Sockdolager, Grapevine, Zoroaster and a few more big rapids before arriving at Phantom Ranch.
My paddlers busted their butts, paddling like mad-dogs until we shot through every rapid upright. They were an awesome group. Five days with good folks and you really bond. We all hugged and gave high five’s when they had to hike out, leaving me to a new group of guests to finish the next 8 days. So goes the trips on the Grand Canyon. Not everyone can spend 12 days to do the whole trip but the ones that can, get hooked on an experience that can’t be duplicated anywhere else in the world. The group dynamics are unique in a place where you experience the beauty and awe of the “Ditch” for 12 days.

Our equipment consisted of four, eighteen foot oar boats; a twenty two foot gear/baggage boat; and I was guiding the only paddleboat: a 14 foot Avon Adventurer. It’s the smallest commercial raft on the Colorado and when paddled correctly is a wild and woolly ride.

As we introduced ourselves to the new group of guests it became apparent to me that the entire new group was a generation older and not overly athletic. Upon my first survey of fifteen guests, I couldn’t pick out six that would’ve signed up for a paddle trip. I checked with Andrew, our trip leader, asking for the names of my guests. As I called out the names, the oldest and least fit looking (half of them women) raised their hands. Damn! I’ve got about one river mile to get these folks trained to paddle through one of the biggest, potentially boat flipping rapids right in the middle of the “day of terror”. My group didn’t even know what kind of trip they signed up for! Someone sold them on “paddling” the Grand Canyon but they didn’t know what they were in for.

After getting them collected at the boat and sitting in the right direction (we’re talking basics all facing forward) I began the river talk. I try to keep the orientation talk light but express the importance of listening, learning the basics of paddling, and river safety rules. They had just finished hiking 9.5 miles down a desert trail in the hot sun. That in it self will drain you pretty good, even if you’re in shape. These folks we already pooped.

The group was about half attentive and really didn’t have their heart into it. One of them named Charlie is especially joking around and taking the whole thing way too lightly and suggested that I just wanted to get to the Playboy magazine he has stashed in his black bag. “Forget the Playboy Charlie, you guys have about 5 minutes to learn to paddle, or die!” I was doing my best to deliver a crash course in paddling when Andrew signals that we need to get going and pushes off downstream.

“Forward paddle” I call. What a joke. I can’t get them to paddle hard enough to get out of the eddy (we’re in deep Kim Chi). Once again I try to get through to them that we can laugh later but we’ve got some serious Whitewater to get through first. Twenty minutes later I find us sitting at the top of Horn Creek Rapid. With the river flowing about 8,000 CFS (cubic feet per second), the right side of the rapid develops into some serious holes that the boatmen call “The Train Wreck” for its violent crashing waves. Even in a heavy (more stable) oar powered boat, it’s a wild ride that most boatmen try to avoid. In “The Minnow”, I have no intentions of running the right. But to avoid it I will need some decent paddle power.

We crest the top (called the horn) about in the center of the river trying to work our way left. These folks won’t paddle (like I didn’t know that from the first moment I laid eyes on them) and here we float directly down to the right. That’s bad. I’m screaming out paddle commands hoping the fear and anger in my voice will spark some enthusiasm. When we hit the first wave, they’re all knocked to the center of the boat, paddles out of the water, floating deeper into the Train Wreck. The next wave hits us sideways and knocks Charlie out the right side of the boat. I’m still screaming paddle commands with little results as I spot Charlie bobbing for apples. Boom, another huge wave pummels us completely swamping the boat with five tired, out of shape folks, flopping in the center of my boat floating out of control down the right side. I look again for Charlie but he’s gone. He’s stuck under the boat.

Boom, we get blasted by another huge wave almost flipping us. I look out the left side and there’s Charlie floating within paddles reach of the boat. His eyes are as big as cantaloupes and focused downstream. I reach out poking my paddle handle in his chest screaming “Charlie”. He’s petrified and not hearing me. Boom, we get pounded again with another breaking wave. Once again I try to get his attention to grab my paddle since he’s slightly out of my reach. He’s still dazed and confused. More breaking waves. One last try and Charlie hears me, grabs the paddle and I pull him close. With wave still crashing on us I manage to grab him and pull him into the boat without falling in myself.

He’s totally disoriented and has the 1000 yard stare. He starts to heave so I turn him over and he pukes over the side. By now were past the waves and floating upright below the rapid. I start laughing, slapping Charlie on the back as he’s puking saying “where’d you put that Playboy Charlie. I’m ready for it now after the screwing Horn just gave us”.

We had made it through the first rapid upright (by the grace of the river gods) but we still had Granite and Crystal Rapids left to run. That would complete their first day with only 7 left to go. Why me lord. We get the boat bailed out and I signal to Andrew letting him know that we were in for a long day with this group. “Do the best you can John” and off we go downstream heading for Granite. At lunch, Andrew just finished telling me the story of his last run through Granite where he flipped this very same paddle boat at the top. The group had swum the full length of Granite. Not my idea of a good time.

“Forward hard”. Off we go down from the top at Granite. First big wave and everyone is back in the bottom center of the boat. On the bright side they all stayed in the boat. The bad news was we ran the entire rapid sideways, full of water, almost flipping twice, and at the bottom found that Kay, a quiet but hearty lady had slipped under the rear thwart and broke her ankle. We got her transferred to Andrew’s oar boat and floated to schist camp a short distance downstream.

After everyone gets dried out and feeling better, Charlie corners me over on the beach alone and gives me heartfelt thanks for saving his life. He thought he had seen God when he went out at Horn Creek rapid. I pointed out to him that when he was stuck under the boat and he didn’t really see god - just the picture of Jesus I had painted on the bottom of the boat just for him. Shortly after that he saw his messiah, me, pulling him into the boat. “My pleasure to save you Charlie but now you owe me that Playboy”

After the trip Charlie wrote me a nice letter, thanking me for a great 8 days, a spectacular rescue, and disabling Kay’s leg so she couldn’t kick him in the ass for signing her up on the paddle boat on their first river trip.

They turned out to be a lot of fun and Kay, being the heartiest of the group, finished the entire trip with us carrying her to and from the boats, her tent, and the groover (toilet) for 8 days.
You never know what kind of trip or group you’ll get on the Colorado in the Grand Canyon.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. JV