Got Milk?

Runyard’s roommate milk story

Living as bachelors do our refrigerator had a shelf dedicated to each roommate. The top and largest shelf was community storage but if you wanted it to be personal it needed to be labeled with your name. Robert usually had a quart of whole milk properly labeled with his name but Bob, a early rising carpenter would randomly drink whoever had milk available since no one was up to catch him at it. This irritated the shit out of Robert so one day he mixed a squirt of dishwashing soap in with about a gulp of milk at the bottom of a milk container.
The very next morning Bob, in usual fashion, grabbed Roberts’s milk, opened the spout and chugged it down. He no sooner swallowed the last drop when his stomach called foul and he projectile vomited the entire contents of his stomach redecorating the kitchen walls.
Not willing to admit defeat he found some other milk, replacing the lethal mix as if nothing ever happened and cleaning up the walls before anyone woke up. When Bob told me the story later he swore me to secrecy not wanting Robert to know that he got him good. Bob was so sick from the soap that he missed the days work with a violently ill stomach.
Later Robert told me how he tried to set up Bob but figured Bob never bit and tossed the last of the milk out.
This story has been my little secret for over 25 years.
I’m now hitting the button to e mail it to Robert. Yep, after all of these years, you got him Robert.